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to Section One | to Arts & Entertainment
posted Friday, September 20 2013 - Volume 41 Issue 38
Kiki with D: Three's a crowd?
Section One
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Kiki with D: Three's a crowd?

by D Smith - SGN Contributing Writer

Dear D,

My girlfriend and I have been together for two years, and everything has been great! We have a lot of fun together and really seem to be in love with one another. I am thinking of popping the question and asking her to marry me. I really feel like I have found the one. She has some small quirks that are annoying but who doesn't, right?

The reason that I am writing is because until recently I never doubted how she felt about me. I mean, we get along great and I felt like no one knows me better than she does. I really felt like our souls connect in a way that I have never felt before. I can honestly say that I love her and I believe that she loves me.

However, recently she asked me for something that I don't know I can give her without jeopardizing our relationship. I always thought that everything was good in the bedroom department but what she is asking me makes me uncomfortable. After sex one day, she asked me what I thought about having another person join us.

At first I was kind of excited about it, that is if it is another girl, but I don't think I would be comfortable with another guy. I mean, I want to please her and want her to be happy, so I told her I would think about it, but inside, I am uncomfortable.

I want her to want me without another person, you know, just me. I don't want to be made to feel like I have to share her or what we have with anyone else. Is that too much to ask?

What do I say to her? Do I tell her that I just absolutely hate the idea of having to do this and risk losing her, or do I just play along, do this, and risk losing her to someone else?
- Ready to Put a Ring on It

Dear Ready,

I appreciate you for being so open to ask for advice on such a private personal matter. I can see and appreciate what you have with her. I have always believed that cautious sexual exploration can be healthy and a lot of fun; however, there are limits.

So, where do you go from here? My advice is to talk to her about it and let her know how you feel. Explain to her your concerns as to what you are feeling and why. Talk about your fears and your love for her. These types of situations require looking at the heart.

Physical intimacy is just as important as emotional, but how we choose to display it is far from conventional. Take time to be open to having a conversation to find out what excites you and her try to introduce that to the equation. See if there are other things she is willing to try that you are both comfortable with. If not, then that gives you an opportunity to take a moment and evaluate things. You have stated that she is the one for you - essentially you feel that she is your soul mate. If this is true, then she will take your concerns to heart and understand. Hopefully, she will take the time to work on other avenues to your sexual exploration together in ways that will bond you without fear of losing one or the other.

Remember to have an open mind. This can be a lot of fun if you allow it to be. This is a time where the two of you can really be footloose and fancy-free. Find different ways to love one another. Bring excitement to the relationship in new ways. Some people like being outdoors, some just love public places while others just love the thrill of risking getting caught or seen. Take the time to find out what excites the two of you and build on that. I think that if both of you are willing and invest into getting to know one another better in a way that is mutually agreed upon and safe, you can have a wonderful and happy life together.

Lose yourselves in one another.

Hopes this helps. Stay positive and always encourage yourself! - D

Life problems bringing you down? Have a burning question? Can't tell your girlfriend? Hit me up! KikiWithD@gmail.com.

Tell a friend:

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